I was hanging out with a group of young guys and gals Sunday afternoon; had a great time. But, at one point toward the latter part of the day, ‘THE QUESTION’ came up.
People ask me what I’m doing…and I panic. ‘What in the world am I going to say? They’re gonna think I’m nuts!’

Truth is, I am.

Background.

Many of you who actually know me (yes, you select few who even bother to read this) know that I attended University for two years (last semester was spring ‘09), and haven’t gone back. Why? Well, many of you know that I believe leaving was what God’s plan for me involved.
And many of you also think I’m a stark raving mad religious radical. At the very least, extremely foolish. ‘Don’t you know how the world works now? It’s the 21st century, not 1826!!’
Yeah, I do know that. But I also know that God’s word remains the same, be it 42 A.D., 1826, 2010, or 2140. Doesn’t matter what year; it has never changed, and will never change–it will always be. Will Bible-believing Christians say in 5 years that “Thou shall not murder” doesn’t apply to them ’cause it was written for people way back even before Christ’s time? No. But truth is, as humans, we like to pick and choose what we want to apply…and ignore what we don’t like, stating it as irrelevant.

I have always known what I wanted to do in my adult life; Broadway, recording artist, heck-the next Sarah Brightman. Haha…No, really that was what I wanted to do in between my childhood and adulthood (roughly between the ages of 15 & 18). But my adulthood? No, I wanted something far better. I wanted to be a wife, and a mother.  I’ve wanted that since I was five years old; probably before even. I could think of nothing better to devote one’s life to. My life to. I am neither at this time…I honestly don’t know if I ever will be. It doesn’t change the fact that that is the profession I wish to have. But…..’what if it never happens? What will you do with your life?’ Gee, I don’t know. But at 19 years of age I started to believe people when they told me I needed a back-up plan. So, college was the logical choice…music even more so. That’s what I studied for a year. Somewhere during my second semester, someone I greatly respect and admire told me that my back-up plan was equivalent to a medical student deciding to also study mechanics in case they couldn’t get a position after med school. Put that way, I realized how stupid what I was doing was. I was wasting money paying for an education I really didn’t need, and didn’t particularly want. So, I decided to leave school, and study home economics and management.

After a year of this…well, I started to listen to the world again. ‘You’re wasting your time at home. Only women who are too stupid to complete their education, who couldn’t be successful in the job-field no matter how hard they tried, stay at home with their families. You do this, and you’re proving that you are one of the useless, stupid ones.’ And if there was one thing I definitely didn’t want, it was to be considered stupid or useless. I didn’t leave because I struggled in my classes, and I wanted to be sure that everyone knew that. So, I went back. Even as I talked through it with my folks, as I went through all the motions of getting registered again, signing up for classes…I knew in my soul that I was doing this for me; I was certain that it wasn’t what God would lead me to do. Heck, I wasn’t doing it for myself, I was doing it for the world–for society’s expectations. And that semester was a wake-up call. It was probably the hardest season of my life….and trust me, in my twenty-three years I’ve been through some times of living h-ll.

I’ve grown up knowing my Bible. I know what it says on how we are to live. But that semester, God made it clear to me that I should be living my life, using my transition time, to prepare myself for my role. Titus two is what He showed me; “[Older women are to] encourage the young women (notice it does not say ‘young wives’) to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” (Titus 2:4, 5) There are several things listed there that I can work towards; being sensible, pure, a worker at home, and kind. But I am not married, I don’t have any biological children; how can I love them if they don’t even exist? Proverbs 31:12 says that an excellent woman will “[do her husband] good and not evil all the days of her life.” Notice, it says ALL the days of her life–not all the days of her married life. This means, an excellent wife can do her husband good before they are man and wife, before she is of marriageable age…before she has met him, even. And what is love, anyway?

I like Merriam-Websters definition: An unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another.
I Corinthians 13 lists what God’s definition of love is. “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek it’s own good, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Love does not seek it’s own good. No back-up plans. It goes all-out for another. In order to love one’s husband- to love one’s children; one must understand the definition of love…must understand and be willing to commit to true love as defined by God. I wasn’t seeking the good of any other, I was looking out for myself in going back to school.
And finally, I received the final deciding word on what to do in I Corinthians 1:18-27. “…Where is the wise man?…Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through it’s wisdom did not come to know God, God was well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe…Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong…”

I’m not saying that every woman who attends college or holds a college degree is/was outside of God’s will; we are all different, and God has different plans for us. But I do think that the woman’s place, as designed by God, is very different from where our culture places women now. I believe that the woman’s skills and talents are at most use in the home. And I believe that we women are greatly to blame for our country’s rapidly declining state. I am not saying men are blameless; ever since Adam and Eve, women have been stepping out in disobedience and sin, and men have passively stood by. Not all men, and not all women…but the greater part for sure. Our children are the shapers of tomorrow…if they do not have the proper, biblical upbringing that God intended, then how can we expect our country to be directed in God’s way? And if we do not walk in God’s path, how can we reasonably expect to receive God’s blessing upon our country?

“We are called to be women. The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian does make me a different kind of woman. For I have accepted God’s idea of me, and my whole life is an offering back to Him of all that I am and all that He wants me to be.” ~Elisabeth Elliot

So, yes; I am foolish…to the world I look insane. But God has chosen the things our culture considers foolish to put to shame all the ‘wisdom’ the world can muster. And, realistically speaking, I’d rather hear Christ call me wise than all the brightest professors of the world.

I’ve been thinking of a movie quote quite a lot today.
I watched “Breach” with my brothers earlier this week. It’s based on a true story, so this characters words may have been spoken by a real, genuine, person back in 2001. At one point in the film, Eric O’Neill, mentioning a discussion he’d had with his wife in which she asked him why his boss was such a pain to be around, tells Hanssen “I had all these answers for her. ‘He’s misunderstood.’ ‘He’s trying to fix the bureau and no one will listen.’ ‘He was born in the wrong century.’ ‘His father’s a jerk.’ I got a whole list.
But you know something Sir, at the end of the day it’s all cr-p. You ARE who you are. The why doesn’t mean a thing does it?”

Yeah, we all have these excuses for why we act as we do. Or to rationalize away why someone we love can just make us feel like dirt all the time. Often we try to rationalize that because we don’t want to face the truth and hurt that that someone, when it comes right down to it, really doesn’t care enough to make a change.

Hey, but leave off everyone else here. Forget about those people who you can’t explain. Think about yourself. Do you have excuses for your behavior? Do others make excuses for you?

“It is not what we say or feel that makes us who we are. It is what we do; or fail to do.”
Marianne Dashwood, in Andrew Davies adaption of Sense & Sensibility

I can’t help feeling that there is something more, that I have a chance for something greater. To rise above the petty why. Not to allow myself to define myself; to make excuses for why I do what I do. Not by my feelings, my words, my status in life. Not by what others around me say or do, and why they do it.  No, but defined by what I choose to do, or that which I fail in.

Because, in the end, the why doesn’t mean a thing, does it?

“Not chaos-like together crushed and bruised, but as the world, harmoniously confused, where order in variety we see, and where, though all things differ, all agree.”
Alexander Pope

“Randomness is not totally haphazard, as it is consistent in it’s chaos; it has negative consistency and so is predictable.”
Unknown

They are sleeping now, so I am hoping to get a lot of stuff done before they wake. I’ve already gotten more accomplished than I have for the past three days…that’s a plus.
I also have to cook supper tonight for the fam…I’m thinking an easy Chicken Pot Pie and Sweet Potato Casserole (because I have sweet potatoes running out of my ears…need to use the rest of them up before they go bad). Tomorrow night is Chili….and my youngest sister’s guitar recital.

So, instead of talking about how much I’m working, I’ll actually go do the deed.

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“Alas! How altered now! Tho’ indeed my own Misfortunes do not make less impression on me than they ever did, yet now I never feel for those of an other. My accomplishments too, begin to fade–I can neither sing so well nor dance so gracefully as I once did–and I have entirely forgot the Minuet Dela Cour.”

Laura to Marrianne
Jane Austen

“To be able to find joy in anothers’ joy,
that is the secret of happiness.”
unknown

“The Lord has filled my heart with joy; I feel very strong in the Lord…I am glad because You have helped me!” ~~I Samuel 2:1

Choices….life is full of them. So many different choices to lead you in so many different directions. One decision could lead you down a path of misery, or give you a life lived full with joy. Life is all about choices. We’ve gotta choose, and choose well.

This song of John Waller’s seems to sum up what I want to convey to you. What I am trying to learn…it seems, over and over again.

Sometimes, you have to press on through what you know to be true and right. Press on despite the turmoil of feelings raging inside. There is that choice to be made. And in that choice, there can be found joy.
It’s true what they say about small steps; small steps, just one at a time, lead you to where you should go just as surely as the large and hurried ones. The difference is, you are actually aware of your surroundings and the effects your actions cause. Take time to smell the roses, and all that jazz. I guess, as I hinted earlier, Autumn makes me think of these things.

Sometimes, all you need to do is choose to Cling to the Call. Let the rest follow.

The sports practice is not meeting today; instead, we are getting together tomorrow. That means I have the whole afternoon off to tackle stuff that just needs to be done. Hopefully, I’ll use this time well and get loads done.

“Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives,
everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me
of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it.”
Anne De Lenclos

I don’t know what it is about Autumn, October especially, that inspires me so. To me, this season is what the first of January is to many–a time to start over again, a time of refreshment and hope for the future. I’m inspired–nay, I am filled with an eager need–to write on my blog…to clean and cook….Autumn inspires me mentally, physically, spiritually, and creatively…it inspires me to improve my life in the ways that I am able. If only this season could last all the year long that I might be so inspired for it’s entirety!

Alas, it is not to be so. I must make the best of the time I have been given.

I was reading late last night, just trying to get sleepy enough to dive into bed, from Captivating. This particular section stood out to me like a cannon-ball.

“‘Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life’ (Proverbs 4:23). Above all else. Why? Because God knows that our hear is core to who we are. It is the source of all our creativity, our courage, and our convictions. It is the fountainhead of our faith, our hope, and of course, our love. This ‘wellspring of life’ within us is the very essence of our existence, the center of our being. Your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you…God created you as a woman…You are a woman to your soul, to the very core of your being.”
Stasi Eldredge

I want to rejoice in being a woman. All this trash about ‘a woman can do anything a man can do’ and ‘there’s no real difference between a man and a woman’ is ridiculous!  I’m so tired of it; there is a difference, a big one! The heart of a woman is something special, I would even go so far as to say something sacred, because it was created by God for a special purpose. As a woman, I see things differently than men; my capabilities, in my own areas, are much vaster than any that men possess. That is why I am a woman. A man can do a million things that a woman cannot, and better than she could ever hope; in his individual way. Because he is a man; created to be so. We each have individual purposes and capabilities based on our gender; we were created so.
But lest I confuse you by too many differences, I will say that there are ways that we are similar.  Going back to hearts, I was reminded of the following,

“The fullness of our heart is expressed in our eyes,
in our touch, in what we write, in what we say,
in the way we walk, the way we receive,
the way we need.”
Mother Teresa

In this we, both man and woman, are similar. We express our hearts, who we are, through these different ways. And so, also, for men and women,

“Love makes burdens lighter,
because you divide them.
It makes joys more intense,
because you share them.
It makes you stronger,
so that you can reach out
and become involved with life
in ways you dared not risk alone.

‘Oh, no!’ you may be thinking, ‘Another one of those ’single-girl’ rampages’….not so.  At least, I hope not. Our culture confuses us so much with all the back and forth about the places of men and women….the similarities…the way in which we are not alike in any way… What are we supposed to really think and believe?! I just want to be a woman…to be happy as such…and to ignore all the nonsense everyone has to say about it.
Love doesn’t always have to be of the romantic nature…take the love between two sisters, or best friends, for instance. I think this is the type of love referenced in the above quote.  Someone close, who cares for you unconditionally, spurring you on to do–to be, more. Because you no longer have that fear of ‘being alone’ to stand in your way. My sisters do this for me; my friends as well. Christ does this for me. And I can say that I am happily, as a woman, moving through life as one lived through love. At the end of all things, that is one of the things that I want to be able to say. That I lived my life with love. Love for my family, for friends, for strangers I meet casually on the street…love for my Lord and Savior directing my actions.

“And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has
been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
Romans 5:5

“May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the steadfastness of Christ”.
II Thessalonians 3:5

Kara DioGuardi…she is an incredible songwriter…and a pretty good singer too.

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